5 Reasons Female Video Game Characters Are The Best Video Game Characters

We’re awesome like that.

Who Needs a Platinum Card…

…when I’ve got my first platinum trophy on PSN?

Whoop there it is!

The lucky fella?

Read ’em and weep…

I always thought it would be this guy…

but those pesky kids didn’t want me to…

Damn those pesky kids!

 

This is what happens when I’m too lazy to write…I actually called my brother when I got this, ’cause he’s the only one who would really understand…although that one guy on Tumblr understood too.

The Last of Us Demo

Finally, downloaded this today, thank you God of War: Ascension, the gift that keeps on giving.

OK, so The Last of Us is more or less Dead Space in Washington…Great, another awesome game, I’ll be too chicken to play. I’ve lost you there, let me explain. I thought The Last of Us was an action-adventure video game set in a really frakked up Earth, like I Am Alive*. This is what happens, when you don’t pay attention, then a zombie turns up. Dude, after hearing the critters on 5.1 DTS, my ass quit quicker than a crackhead on ice…What the frak?! Seriously… *I Am Alive also turned out to be a survival horror, but instead of zombies, it was depravity of humanity.

5 Things I’ve Learnt from Playing God of War

I’ve never had a favourite anything, but God of War is definitely without a doubt my favourite hack and slash video game. This PlayStation exclusive has a special place in my devious heart. Apparently, I get rather passionate about it – something involving bloodlust, a diabolical grin and a manic presentation – complete with hand gestures & sound effects.

Frak, my…err…ex-boyfriend…it’s weird…once pointed out that I sound really crazy happy & even sexy, when I’m talking about this game series. Look, I don’t do sexy, I do scary, apparently once in a while sounds sexy. They were right, I might need help…

What’s all the hubbub, bub?

While I sit here watching the awesomeness that is Terry Pratchett, on Terry Pratchett: Facing Extinction on BBC iplayer, every time he says Borneo, all I think about is Uncharted. I might not be the most prolific gamer, but I realised they are certain cities/countries that are now embedded in my brain thanks to video games, movies, books etc. So lets look at the tip of the iceberg.

Greece

As a kid/teen, I was into Greek mythology, so when God of War came out, it was a no-brainer.

Borneo

Borneo Vista by Naughty Dog

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves. The awesomeness that is this game, my definite favourite of the series, yes the story & visual of Uncharted 3 is brilliant, but the improvements and the opening of U2 is the business. C’mon, you wake up shot on a train dangling of a cliff and you have to get out. Hells Yes!

Cambodia

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Yup, the one with Angelina Jolie, before she became a low pass filter…

Las Vegas

Very Bad Things (1998)

Every road trip/buddy/mismatched couple movie with the what-happens-in-Vegas-stays-in-Vegas plot…and CSI.

New York

Dystopian future (LA also falls under here), natural disasters (practically the whole USA), romantic comedies – especially When Harry Met Sally, superhero (Spider-Man…duh also in the comics) films. Max Payne, Beauty and the Beast (the 1st one, 1987 with Linda Hamilton) And of course, Bugs Bunny, the owner of the title quote. He said it once on Falling Hare in 1943, so yes he said it way before Wolverine did.

Canada

Wolverine’s birth place, yes he’s Canadian from Alberta Canada and Sabretooth’s his half-brother, there goes your friendly Canadian theory. Hollywood’s substitute for Hollywood, just watch American Telly, especially when they dress Vancouver as New York. D’arvit, I’ve never been to Canada or New York, but even I know the difference. Lost Girl, Continuum and Blame Canada from South Park. Beauty and the Beast (2013, pretending to be NY)

LA

Practically the same as NY, detective movies & games, Hollywood. In fact, no more American cities…except the next one.

San Francisco

Charmed, Monsters vs. Aliens, The Nine Lives of Chloe King. Never been, but I know what the Golden Gate Bridge looks like.

There’re others, but I’m kinda tired – there was Trainspotting (Scotland), Beauty and the Beast (France), Farscape (Australia pretending to be the other universe), Doctor Who (UK and everywhere). Oh well…

Mmm…the best thing about Easter – Malteaster Bunnies

Glitch-errific aka Quote of the Week

Was minding my own business shouting at EA for my latest glitch discovery – can’t play international matches in Be A Pro – on FIFA 10 & searching for the solution. I found out that it was my fault because I changed my VP from Nigerian to English – the ass wipes don’t have the Nigerian team, even though they had it on 08. So my only real solution is to delete. Anyhoo, I came across this quote by albertasaurus on the official EA forum.

This is the internet; where all men are men, all women are men and all children are FBI agents.

You’ve got to give it to the fella, he turned his name to a dinosaur…he knows the answer to universe is not 42.

The Boyfriend vs the Xbox

Just read The Girlfriend vs The Xbox!!!, the joys of a gaming reationship. Even though I haven’t seen said boyfriend in years & there’s this little matter of the ocean, a few miles & a different continent. I realised while reading said article, that I would be the boyfriend, you know the one with the gaming addiction, ok not Call of Duty, but definately Saints Row (ok, not SR either, GTA:IV is still my 360 baby). I wouldn’t mind the Xbox Live Gold Membership for  every Val’s day….Take note.

A friend once told me how I ignored/embarassed some poor dude, who came to visit/chat/break bread/whatever they call it. Here I was getting my crazy on playing Splinter Cell on PC. Ahh, those gloriuos days when my old laptop was brand new without that black screen of death. When all of a sudden some random knocks disturb my concentration, by then I’m already pissed. The poor guy says something, my mind’s elsewhere, I reply "No. I’m playing a game" & I shut the door on him. I can’t really remember my exact words, but it was something to that effect. I’m very sure about the "No" though. Anyhoo, he never came back.

It’s sad, I own 3 PSP games & no PSP. Thanks bro, for lending me yours. Finished GOW:CoO in 6 hours, 24 mins. Would have done it quicker, if I didn’t waste all that time on pausing, getting every single orbs/feathers/eyes & getting lost*.
*It’s amazing how stupid I get while playing a game – e.g I spent a good 20 mins wondering around when I got back to the East (?) Horse section, before realised I was supposed to break the bloody statue! Before that, in same section, it took 10mins before I noticed the damn cavity!

I, scratch that, everyone feels sorry for my future kids, Mama’s gonna knock you out. I wonder what my first article is going to be on?? I’m still estactic & scared shitless.

The forgotten Italian Assassin

I know it’s been a while since I made an Assassin’s Creed II update, I kinda forgot about it, apparently, Ubisoft were sending 3 random signals to AC’s newsletter subscribers. I got partitions 1, 3 & 5. I got my 3rd & final e-mail from Ubisoft ages ago, but I couldn’t assed to search my Yahoo! account (I get enough junk mail & stuff, that i usually don’t check my Yahoo! account). Anyhoo, here’s partition 5 aka BOBUPNZ.

If you’re really interested about the rest I recommend Rise and Shine. She has everything on it, she (& other crazy people) made 2 partitions themselves. It’s refreshing to know there are other female gamers out there. Plus, she’s definately girlier than me, so you see folks, there are girly gamers out there.

Wow, they made theories. All I did was print out the pdfs & trick out my phone software. I feel so ashamed. Oh & MSN, sort out this bloody date thing, what’s the whole point of me selecting the format, if you don’t stick it?

The other body of the Italian Assassin

This is the Italian Assassin, one of the many ancestors of Desmond. Oh and he’s called Ezio Auditore de Firenze.

Yes people, he can swim.

The body of the Italian Assassin?

The Assassin’s Creed 2 treasure hunt continues. Would have done this yesterday, after the e-mail, but Mobiola & my phone decided to start divorce proceedings. Fortunately, they’ve settled out of court, so here’s partition VQHSBEF.

This time, I held the paper with my left hand at arm’s length, my right hand holding the phone, with my right big toe on the PRTSC, with my first [successful] picture being, his groin. All the while doing this on my bed, with my laptop propped on my chair. Now my back is killing me.

Who knows, maybe I’ll finally clear my table & use the chair the way it was intended. BTW, damn you ITV, damn you, you stupid bastards, you really are that stupid. I’ve to wait till next week to watch Pushing Daisies. Damn you, for its stupid timing. Doctor Who’s tomorrow!