Swept Off Our Feet

Boy meets girl,
Girl meets boy.
Boy kisses girl,
Girl marries boy.
How the fairytales go,
How we’re told it’s meant to go,
But that’s not how it goes.
Will we ever be swept off our feet?
Or will we just accept defeat?
I was attempting to write* a noob review on Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare for my gaming blog, but after writing three paragraphs and not getting to the point, this happened instead. I blame Toni Braxton for this, I’m actually still listening to her right now.
*yes, actual pen on paper kids!


Get Another Boyband

This all started out innocently enough, I was minding my own buisness tumbling away on Tumblr, then all of sudden I started reblogging musical posts on *NSYNC. Then, I made the mistake of making a comment about Backstreet Boys in my tags…Then I lost about 2 hours, technically it was over 4 hours (that’s *NSYNC, BSB & Shania Twain), of my life.

I kinda forgot how much of a fan I was of BSB, they were my whole secondary school life, they released their debut single in 1995 and their first greatest hits in 2001. I was a student at an apparently prestigious (which means I grew to loathe it) secondary school, yes my big bad secret is…I was a Fowler girl (that’s Vivian Fowler Memorial College for Girls to the uninitiated) from 1995-2001. Yes, I’m a proper Fowler girl, I did the whole 6 years and the move from the original site to its current permanent location.

Anywho, as I tap this out I’m currently listening to BSB’s Black & Blue, it’s the one album of theirs I listened to as a teen, thanks to someone who had it in school, so if you remember your release dates or are handy with Wikipedia, this means this is one of the albums I listened to in my last year of secondary school. In fact, it’s the only album of theirs I’ve ever listened to.

You’ve no idea, how happy I was hearing The Answer to Our Life and my glee that I could still remember the lyrics after over a decade. Then I collectively lost all of what was left of my mind when I heard Get Another Boyfriend. Oh boy it was bad…of course I promptly repeated it, then during said repeat, Black & Blue mysteriously appeared on my phone. I may or may have not spent an hour listening to Get Another Boyfriend today…

Now, this album is made up of 11 other songs including the three singles – Shape of My Heart, The Call, More than That, but I don’t know why Get Another Boyfriend just does it for me, don’t know if it’s because it sounds musically similar to The Call, all I know BSB could always pull it off. And those guys can sing, just google Backstreet Boys and acapella or simply listen to More Than That. Maybe, that’s why I was never really bothered about One Direction, The Wanted, Union Jack, or whatever current boybands out there.

Now, I’ve no idea what BSB has been doing after Drowning came out, since they became a manband and my fickle heart wanted my cheesy boyband back, then I grew up. Yes, I know Kevin left then came back. Seriously, he and Howie were my favourites – I always pick the guys that usually get ignored, and Kevin Richardson is the only man I know whose eyebrows out rival Lee Pace’s.

Well thanks to my Tumblr adventure, I know they made an epic Harlem Shake video and they are doing some kind of cruise ship thing and an odd super-group thing with NKOTB (New Kids on the Block). The album just finished so I’ll end on that note.


Yes, I’m now listening to Get Another Boyfriend on repeat…

It’s Been a While…

Hello Nobody! Sorry for my unscheduled hiatus, I’ve either been too busy, lazy, angry, excited, tired or forgetful to write. Plus, I now seem to live on Tumblr, it’s a wild, beautiful and crazy world over there.

Anywho, happy new year! Let’s see what can I say to you poor folks, who have unwittingly stumbled onto this blog – expect chaos, randomness, the occasional witty remark, more forays into fiction, my ongoing nonchalant attempt at taking over the world and chocolate! Delivered to you with imprecise precision. To my long suffering regulars – the usual and finally discovering the answer to life.

Just thought you’d love to “hear” my voice…I could actually attempt those weird podcasts again, oh italics, how I’ve missed you…while I inform you I’m still alive and well. I was considering on ranting about the abysmal result of the UK MEP elections, but I’ll leave that to those voters, who voted for lies masquerading as truths.




…I wonder if I can…..NOPE I can’t magically replace the batteries in my remote. Life is unfair.


At 11:19 this morning, I didn’t expect the loveliest international cold call from a company representing Lifestyle Surverys, now cold calls are not news to me, my Orange mobile (I’ve had it for over 11 years) is the King of receiving cold calls. I even get automated cold calls as my voicemails – always truncated, forever telling me to press 3 for yada yada yada…

Anywho, onto the charming 5-10 minute cold call. I receive my call from +02070781911 and I go this will be interesting. I say hello and a lovely man responds likewise, he gives me a name, which I’ve forgotten – we will call him Bob. Lovely Bob recites a well memorised blurp and gives me the obligatory “our calls are recorded for training purposes” chant. My Spidey-Sacastic-Charmingly-Polite senses are tingling…I’m going to be my nice sweet-like-honey-with-a-hint-of-cyanide-self ’cause I hear the words “we value your privacy.”

I ask how they received my number, Lovely Bob goes on abount outsource companies and elsewhere, I nod then I remember I’m on the phone, “OK.” “So Madam, could you confirm your post code is….”. I laugh, this is so going to be good, “I think I’ve narrowed down where you got my information.” Then I decline and the merry-go-round begins, he says Madam and repeats the question, I repeat my answer, we do this for a while, he even complements my voice, I thank Lovely Bob. I point out about the irony of valuing my privacy a few times, we laugh, dear I say giggle a few times. I point out I’m surprised Lovely Bob doesn’t have my name, since the Madam thing is freaking me out a little, he retorts with Miss instead. I kinda like Lovely Bob…Then I realise, after my I’ve repeated myself a few times, that it’s time I end this ’cause I really want to watch Haven, so this happens-

I am really sorry, I know you have to reach your quota, but unfortunately it will not be with me. I will not give you my current postcode, because I value my privacy and you already have enough information about me.

Lovely Bob understands, I’ll credit this to the tone my voice takes when I talk slower and the Charm takes full effect. Ask my sister about the Charm, when it comes out, it’s a revelation. We say our thank yous and cheerily say our goodbyes like high school sweethearts. Who says I don’t have excitement in my life?

Remember kids don’t bullshit a bullshitter…

People Google the Darnest Things

It’s been a long time since I’ve done one of these, so let’s hop to it.

This week:

  • felix orphan black
  • what happens if you fail the mini sexgame in god of war 3
  • darth vader riding on charizard

My faves from the past 30 days:

  • the last of us rubbish
  • 5 things learnt from god
  • 5 things learnt from god with explanation
  • kabalarians is bullshit

My all time faves:

  • naruto children need help
  • beyonce breast
  • meaning of screwd
  • dodo’s conundrum
  • define: utter rubbish
  • i hate adaobi
  • organizational chart of power holding company of nigeria plc
  • butt licking blogs
  • beyoncé feet
  • adetayo ayowale onile-ere wikipedia disappeared
  • gow coo second horse statue
  • taio cruz speaking pidgin
  • 1985 is rubbish
  • girl utterly hanging wedgies
  • matlab is rubbish
  • “dede mabiaku”,”underwear”
  • another word for utter rubbish, starts with a t
  • rubbish ironic
  • lost girl crotch lasers
  • dominatrix wedgie ks
  • what is this kalabarian nonsense about?
  • sierra mousad dollhouse doesn’t even double tag
  • you tube fecal porn

Sometimes, the internet really is awesome, although why someone would ever Google the last search term…then actually thought my blog was the answer to it…I will never know.

To be or not to be


OK, this was initially for my Tumblr, but I might as well post it here…

Doing this from my phone, ’cause I’m too tired to sort out my laptop…

EDIT: Had to get my laptop, ’cause moonshine won’t let me post it on the grid through my phone…Damn Swype making me look crazier than usual…

Ain’t I Funny?

Hello folks, since no one else will do it I will. This is the closest to vain & narcissistic, you’re ever going to get from me. Anywho, I like to think I’ve got a sense of humour. Sometimes it’s very had to find, since my default vocal setting is sarcastic & cynical, even when I’m complementing someone.

Since the batteries to my remote control have died, and I can’t find the AAA batteries, I’m stuck watching BBC1 with the annoying tennis highlights of Andy Murray & Roger Federer – it’s been going on for a long time, over 3 freaking hours! Oh well, you get a match in England, you get rain, everyone else gets highlights…

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Weekly Photo Challenge: Fleeting. Dear Messrs Ben and Jerry


Why oh why, are your ice-cream confections, perfections?

Why oh why, can’t it ever last longer than 10 minutes?

10 minutes you ask, surely it takes longer to complete this task?

That’s how long it takes for your perfections to become extinctions.

An extinction, I will gladly commit again.

Oh crap, I see another tub, here we go again…


For The Daily Post’s Weekly Photo Challenge, this week it’s FleetingDuh… Err… I needed a prompt, so I found one…

Damn you Ben & Jerry’s! And it’s not poetry, it just happened to rhyme…Why fleeting, err… I get a tub, a hand towel and a teaspoon, and I go HAM on it…You see fleeting…

Pet Peeves

This was going to be a proper post, but I can’t be frakked to type, so you’re left with my err…awesome… voice…Smile like you mean it folks, I command you to smile! This would have been up earlier, but the neighbours are really partying hard – that was on Saturday, I think the dude’s called Andrew, ’cause his Happy Birthday song kinda sucked, too many drunk folks – and my mic is fussy. Plus, I had some serious noise issues with my mic, finally sorted it out…


One day, I’ll spend more than 5 minutes constructing stuff, one day I shall write something freaking awesome…Till that day, you’re left with these…sorry… Oh and you should have seen how I freaked out with the blonde hair – I was all “eww…get it off me, my hand, oh my gawd, I going to die!”

Why I Shouldn’t Have Nice Things…

Been playing with my impulse buy & Audacity lately. Look, blame my cousin, Nene, for the weird ish I put up on YouTube today, sadly there’s more to come. I was minding my own business, when I recalled I hadn’t visited her blog in a while…

Well, it’s safe to say that I enjoyed the epicness, that was her blog post, so much – it brought out my inner wacko. So I decided to record some radio ads to the weird posters, since, Photoshop is not my friend…

As I was writing (ok, maybe trying to write) the spoof scripts, the weirdness happened, when I came across the Chukwudi poster. I kinda lost whatever sense of sanity I had left, and went total cray cray. Stopped writing, hopped on my mic and proceeded to make a total fool of myself…. 😀

Spoof Outtakes

Thanks to my lil’ sis, you won’t have any more spoof ads in Nigerian Pidgin English. Apparently, my pidgin really sucks now, damn you English accent! I will probably do the rest in a straight English accent. Although, I think I can still pull off an accented Yoruba English accent. Looks like my accented Igbo English needs some work…Wow, I’ve been in this country too long! Up next, Indiana Jona, whenever I finally stop laughing at the poster…