Make Me Do a Double Take

Well, in my not so short time on this planet, I’ve heard (and said) some really questionable things, so in honour of that sentiment here are some lyrics that have made me do a double take…

  1. Would you risk it for a chocolate biscuit? – Frisky by Tinie Tempah. Dude seriously?! I won’t get frisky for a chocolate biscuit, I don’t care if that biscuit was dipped in the chocolatey goodness of Keith David’s voice. It ain’t happening, bruv. Oh and asking twice is not going to change the outcome.
  2. I lie awake, I’ve come to ground, I’m watching porn in my hotel dressing gown. – Destiny by Zero 7 ft. Sia. Yup, that’s how the song starts. I guess they were trying to set the tone.
  3. I came so hard from your mouth, I saw the future, it was dark – The Future by Austra. Wow, the lady appears to have skills. If someone ever tells you this, pat yourself on the back, then seek help since it appears your future might be bleak. Apparently, the future isn’t bright and/or orange. Remember to use your powers for good.
  4. I’ll fix your smashed up head. – You Know Where to Find Me by Imogen Heap. Wait what?! What the heck? I don’t recall the guy’s head being smashed anywhere in the song. When did the attack happen? Did you do the attacking?
  5. Goodnight and Go by Imogen Heap. The song really is about her stalking a guy. Look, the song sounded cheery enough, you know a woman suffering from a crush/unrequited love from an oblivious man, then the second verse happens…

Follow you home, you’ve got your headphones on and you’re dancing

Got lucky, beautiful shot you taking everything off watch the curtains wide open

Then you fall in the same routine flicking through the TV relaxed and reclining

And you think you’re alone…

Yup, that lost its cuteness real quick…

I know I could have filled this list with any random rap song, any popular Nigerian song or whatever weird stuff comes out from Kanye West’s or Lil’ Wayne’s mouth, I could have even attempted to translate Chief Keef’s mumble…but, where’s the fun in that?





Nice to know I can still write random content, and yes the title is from Missy Eliott’s Lose Control. Yes, I still use random lyrics as titles…Now maybe I’ll finally update my gaming blog.

Yoga – Janelle Monáe ft. Jidenna

Ah…the Electric Lady is back, the only person whose concert I’ve ever attended. One of the two people I’ll willingly spend money to buy their music – the other is Imogen Heap, although that list may soon grow to four with Melanie Fiona & Jazmine Sullivan, but I digress.

Anywho, she’s back with a brand new song and it’s very different to her usual music…yes folks it would appear that she’s made an actual booty shaking mainstream song and I like it. There are times I honestly think Ms. Monáe is an evil genius, especially when she appears on interviews – as much as I love the heck out of her music & what she stands for – ol’ girl is one calculated strategist. She preempted the inevitable backlash with an interview before the song was released, and then with lyrics like “I ain’t got no worries, I’m my own private dancer”, “I’m too much of a rebel, never do what I’m supposed to”, “sometimes I’m peachy and sometimes I’m vulgar” and the crowning jewel “you cannot police me, so get off my areola” has basically turned it into a not-so gentle reminder that you shouldn’t ever put here in a box and has also given it a feminist edge to it. Janelle will not stand you telling her what to do.

Of course, the song has its faults – the production could have been better, we’ve heard stunning music from Janelle and her Wonderland Arts Society cohorts, but the production seems a bit lazy. It sounds like Jidenna’s Classic Man, plus the fact both songs share similar synths with Ludacris’ ‘How Low’ bugged me a bit. I’m like a dog with a bone, when I hear something that sounds similar to something I’ve heard, it’s worse when I can’t remember it – it will consume me… I’m still a bit so-so with Jidenna’s verse, it sounds nice, until I listen to it, then I’m like “oh boy you for do better now…” I still haven’t forgiven him for the toga line.

Fortunately, it hasn’t stopped me from listening to it on repeat on YouTube. It’s sticky, sexy & sweet, if this came from Rhianna, it would have been sticky & sexy, but we won’t have believed that it could be sweet.

Could someone please tell my body to stop attempting to dance, it’s really getting embarrassing. Oh and Nigerians, we’re everywhere, Jidenna is indeed of Nigerian descent. Did I just write a review? It appears I just did…

What is This Feeling?

It finally happened, I’ve finally seen Wicked! Oh my, it’s been a month since I saw it at the Apollo Victoria Theatre, and all you’re getting is this blog, two pictures of the stage and a picture of the programme.

Dragon

I still don’t know why it’s there, but it looked cool.

 

I got most of the current cast, with the exception of Savannah Stevenson, her standby Sophie Linder-Lee was used. Emma Hatton was brilliant as Elphaba, the green skinned underdog – honey I kept rolling my eyes with you. Her acting and singing were on point, you felt her hope when she was singing about meeting & working with the Wizard in ‘The Wizard & I’, of course you also felt the irony and foreshadowing since we’ve just seen the previous scene with Glinda & the Ozians with ‘No One Mourns the Wicked’. You felt her despair with the powerhouse that is ‘No Good Deed’, I was left in awe with her voice and the awesomeness in the theatre visual effects that was ‘Defying Gravity’, when Elphaba becomes one with the background, her newly acquired broom, the lights, the smoke machine and the wind; I was left amazed and gobsmacked. It was a stunning way to end act one.

Sorry these are all the pictures you'll get of the set. Cameras were not allowed during the performance. Plus, I can't do subtle.

Sorry these are all the pictures you’ll get of the set. Cameras were not allowed during the performance. Plus, I can’t do subtle. I could have tried harder, but nah…

Sophie Linder-Lee was brilliant as Glinda (formerly known as Galinda), her “toss, toss” will forever be stuck in my brain for all eternity. Glinda is that OTT Miss Goody Two Shoes, who might not be as good as you think, plus you might want to punch her. Sophie conveyed that well, she might not have over-exagerrated her performance as the other actresses have done, but it was enough for me. The song ‘What is This Feeling?’ has grown to become my favourite song from this musical, Glinda with her hard to describe description of Elphaba and Elphaba’s deadpan “blonde” is a certified crowd pleaser. The audience and I cracked up at it and every video I’ve seen, the audience always have the same reaction.

The rest of the cast were fantastic, I now understand the fascinationall Wicked fans have with “Fiyero pants”, those were highly tight and very distracting especially during ‘Dancing Through Life’, sorry Jeremy Taylor, but I’m a mere mortal – I couldn’t help myself. Shout out to the Flying Monkeys with their acrobatics and general climbing on the gears. To the fantastic crew, who built the sets, the costumes, the prosthetics and the stunning visuals that made me question CGI…just wow, practical stunts and effects still live on.

The music, of course I’ll talk about the music – it’s a musical. If you’re a fan of Disney music, you’ll be a fan of this. Stephen Schwartz, the man responsible for being the composer or lyricist or both to Pocahontas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Prince of Egypt & Enchanted. That’s just a Class A drug right there for lovers of Disney music. Yes, the lyrics can be saccharine and you’ll scratch your head at least once. eg the word disgusticified in ‘What is This Feeling?’ You’ll find yourself dancing at least once, yes ‘What is This Feeling?’ You’ll laugh at least once at the absurdity of it all, see ‘Popular’, where Glinda thinks a flower in Elphaba’s loosened hair makes her really beautiful, plus that all the great intelligent people were just popular. The YOLO song – ‘Defying Gravity’, ‘No Good Deed’ also kinda falls in this category, maybe it’s more of the to-hell-with-this-BS song…The you’ll roll your eyes at the crowd, basically any song with the chorus/ensemble cast, except ‘One Short Day’ – I really wish they stayed longer. The OMG-he-might-have-a-point song – ‘Wonderful’. The seriously-I’ll-kill-the-ensemble-cast-this-second song – ‘March of the Witch Hunters’. The this-song-starts-nice-but-now-the-foreshadowing-with-the-couples-kinda-makes-want-to-cry song – ‘Dancing Through Life’, I also call it this is all your fault Glinda song. Seriously, the only couple that technically make it to the end are Elphaba & the pointy hat. Okay I’ll stop now.

Programme and ticket

Wicked has been a long journey for me, ever since I watched the episode of Ugly Betty that introduced it and ‘Defying Gravity’ to me. So to finally watch and experience it will forever make me happy. Shame I would never experience the original Broadway cast, especially Kristin Chenoweth as Glinda – one of the few women I’ll tolerate with advanced OTT acting, I’d honestly watch her sing about watching paint dry, while she waltzed around with maniacal glee. Idina Menzel as Elphaba, will of course always get a mention, the woman has been fortunate in being able to sing a few YOLO songs in her time. I know, I know, some of you are still suffering from Frozen & ‘Let it Go’, it’s not her fault, she’s been blessed. Oh well, I’ve been rocking the original Broadway a Cast recording of Wicked….a tad bit too much. I regret nothing.

 

Happy New Year Folks! Better late than never!!! I honestly don’t know why I’ve that many exclamation marks…

505 minutes

That’s the total time of the Hobbit trilogy, which I sat through at my local cinema. Even though, we had several false starts – An Unexpected Journey had to be restarted thrice, the projector went a bit gaga. We had both a widescreen & letterbox presentation in squashed 2D, this was supposed to be in 3D, fortunately it got sorted. Desolation of Smaug ran without incident. The Battle of the Five Armies….well, technical difficulties struck, the projector went back to the squashed widescreen letterbox 2D presentation, we ended up watching it in 2D.

Now, I had ignored the Hobbit film for a long while, I got a screener copy, but I was somehow bored with it. This time, I was engrossed with it, it was 2001 (or 2002?) again and I was back in the Shire, fully engrossed with the brilliance that is Tolkein’s Middle Earth, but this time instead of it being in the comfort of my living room back in Lagos, I was finally experiencing it at a cinema in Aldershot.

In the space of those 505 minutes, I was invested in characters, who somehow survived the first 300 or so minutes, the climax battle both stunning and heartbreaking. There’s one death that physically hurt me, that only fanfiction will cure. I knew blood would be spilt – it had to be, but it still hurt. Then the added blow, that I’d seen the actor in another show that I enjoyed, where his character also died, so the actor could appear in the Hobbit trilogy. Yes, the brain is a funny thing when you’re trying to cope with fictional death – it provides more related incidents…

All in all, it was brilliant finally seeing ‘The Hobbit: There and Back Again’ in its full glory, the story that made a young Hobbit seek adventure, all because his home-loving cousin unwittingly got hired as a burglar.

Of course, Lee Pace’s eyebrows still have a life of their own, they will always get a mention. Oh and Gollum is still one terrifyingly entertaining creature. All hail Andy Serkis, King of mo-capping. One day, I shall get the hang of the weird resolution of the featured imag banner, until then enjoy the oddness.

Swept Off Our Feet

Boy meets girl,
Girl meets boy.
Boy kisses girl,
Girl marries boy.
How the fairytales go,
How we’re told it’s meant to go,
But that’s not how it goes.
Will we ever be swept off our feet?
Or will we just accept defeat?
_______________________________________
I was attempting to write* a noob review on Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare for my gaming blog, but after writing three paragraphs and not getting to the point, this happened instead. I blame Toni Braxton for this, I’m actually still listening to her right now.
*yes, actual pen on paper kids!

5 Reasons Female Video Game Characters Are The Best Video Game Characters

We’re awesome like that.

UPROXX

gammasquadfemalecharacs1

The Internet has been simmering as of late about the lack of female characters in video games, with titles like Assassin’s Creed Unity and Far Cry 4 being the subject of unexpected (unexpected by Ubisoft at least) backlash at this year’s E3. The lack of female characters in video games is a touchy subject for a lot of reasons, but for many gamers the absence of female characters in a title like Assassin’s Creed Unity is disappointing for a pretty simple reason — female video game characters are better than male characters.

90 percent of video game characters may be male, but if you were to list the 100 best video game characters of all time, far more than a tenth of them would be ladies. Most female video game characters are at least semi-redeemable, while a pretty decent portion of male characters are intolerable, or barely characters at all…

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Who Needs a Platinum Card…

…when I’ve got my first platinum trophy on PSN?

Whoop there it is!

Whoop there it is!

The lucky fella?

Read 'em and weep...

Read ’em and weep…

I always thought it would be this guy…

image

but those pesky kids didn’t want me to…

Damn those pesky kids!

Damn those pesky kids!

 

This is what happens when I’m too lazy to write…I actually called my brother when I got this, ’cause he’s the only one who would really understand…although that one guy on Tumblr understood too.

Get Another Boyband

This all started out innocently enough, I was minding my own buisness tumbling away on Tumblr, then all of sudden I started reblogging musical posts on *NSYNC. Then, I made the mistake of making a comment about Backstreet Boys in my tags…Then I lost about 2 hours, technically it was over 4 hours (that’s *NSYNC, BSB & Shania Twain), of my life.

I kinda forgot how much of a fan I was of BSB, they were my whole secondary school life, they released their debut single in 1995 and their first greatest hits in 2001. I was a student at an apparently prestigious (which means I grew to loathe it) secondary school, yes my big bad secret is…I was a Fowler girl (that’s Vivian Fowler Memorial College for Girls to the uninitiated) from 1995-2001. Yes, I’m a proper Fowler girl, I did the whole 6 years and the move from the original site to its current permanent location.

Anywho, as I tap this out I’m currently listening to BSB’s Black & Blue, it’s the one album of theirs I listened to as a teen, thanks to someone who had it in school, so if you remember your release dates or are handy with Wikipedia, this means this is one of the albums I listened to in my last year of secondary school. In fact, it’s the only album of theirs I’ve ever listened to.

You’ve no idea, how happy I was hearing The Answer to Our Life and my glee that I could still remember the lyrics after over a decade. Then I collectively lost all of what was left of my mind when I heard Get Another Boyfriend. Oh boy it was bad…of course I promptly repeated it, then during said repeat, Black & Blue mysteriously appeared on my phone. I may or may have not spent an hour listening to Get Another Boyfriend today…

Now, this album is made up of 11 other songs including the three singles – Shape of My Heart, The Call, More than That, but I don’t know why Get Another Boyfriend just does it for me, don’t know if it’s because it sounds musically similar to The Call, all I know BSB could always pull it off. And those guys can sing, just google Backstreet Boys and acapella or simply listen to More Than That. Maybe, that’s why I was never really bothered about One Direction, The Wanted, Union Jack, or whatever current boybands out there.

Now, I’ve no idea what BSB has been doing after Drowning came out, since they became a manband and my fickle heart wanted my cheesy boyband back, then I grew up. Yes, I know Kevin left then came back. Seriously, he and Howie were my favourites – I always pick the guys that usually get ignored, and Kevin Richardson is the only man I know whose eyebrows out rival Lee Pace’s.

Well thanks to my Tumblr adventure, I know they made an epic Harlem Shake video and they are doing some kind of cruise ship thing and an odd super-group thing with NKOTB (New Kids on the Block). The album just finished so I’ll end on that note.

 

Yes, I’m now listening to Get Another Boyfriend on repeat…

3 Songs

Day 3 of the writing 101, yes I skipped the first 2 days and I’m technically on the 4th, but it’s still Day 3 somewhere. The three most important songs to me? Mind is drawing a blank, so I’ll talk about the three  most played songs on my phone:

3. Walk of Shame by P!nk

“One step, two steps, counting tiles on the floor…” Now, I’ve never experienced the dreaded Walk of Shame, but I can still relate to it. This is one of those songs, that makes my body think it can dance. Many a time, I’ve done a jig, while crossing the road to this song. Don’t worry I looked both ways and was careful.

2. Dance Apocalyptic by Janelle Monáe

“Bambi make her dance apocalyptic now…” Another one that makes my body think it can dance. I was fortunate enough to see her live at Brixton last month, this little lady is an energetic ball of fire, good things do come in small packages.

1. Malang by Siddharth Mahadevan & Shilpa Rao

Anybody who follows the Dhoom series, will know this as the song from the Great Indian Circus scene in Dhoom 3. If I remember correctly, this was the first song I downloaded this year, then I proceeded to listen to it a lot. Fortunately, my phone does not announce the number of plays, I’m very happy it doesn’t because I know for a fact I listened to it at least 2 hours straight, it’s 4:33 long AND I’m listening to it right now. It’s in Hindi, I don’t speak a word of it, but it made sense when I watched it at the cinema (subtitles people) and I love it. Plus, I can sing it flawlessly.

 

Yippie, finally wrote something for the Blogging U…

Every month yo, that’s what the theory is

Now you may be wondering, why am I quoting Lily Allen’s Sheezus? Well, Lily kindly reminded the public that women actually have periods every month. Now, some hardcore men are cringing – why is this woman talking about the dreaded subject? Calm down all you Chuck Norrises and Jason Stathams, this woman will get to the point.

Did you know that sanitary products are taxed in the UK? For those who don’t understand the concept of VAT (Value Added Tax), this is a tax added to products that are not deemed essential, see Wikipedia and official website for more information.

Just to give you more perspective, men’s razors are not taxed as they are classified as essential, so if you’ve got a manly beard, you are good to go.

Now, if you’re one of those, who has to venture into the wild wild world of supermarkets and pharmacies to buy those pesky cotton filled stringy things, miniature towels and other strange things in the feminine hygiene section, then you’re faced with the lovely 5% VAT.

Now some tween guy is going why should this matter? Well during the days of the 17.5% VAT, i.e. pre-credit crunch, all sanitary products were taxed at the full 17.5% until January 2001, were they were reduced to 5% (see the previous link, to find the eligible products) due to campaigning and EU restrictions.

From my personal understanding, VAT has always applied to luxury items, this why an ordinary pack of digestives is exempt from VAT, but a chocolate covered digestive isn’t. Why Jaffa Cakes went through that phase of proving to the HMRC that it was a chocolate covered cake, NOT a chocolate covered biscuit – chocolate covered cakes are not taxed. This is why books are not taxed, but ebooks are taxed. Even gift wrapping is taxed.

Well, here’s a petition, sign at your leisure…or you could always go with the childish approach and threaten to bleed on everything…your choice.

Maybe Lily was right, it really is hard out here…