505 minutes

That’s the total time of the Hobbit trilogy, which I sat through at my local cinema. Even though, we had several false starts – An Unexpected Journey had to be restarted thrice, the projector went a bit gaga. We had both a widescreen & letterbox presentation in squashed 2D, this was supposed to be in 3D, fortunately it got sorted. Desolation of Smaug ran without incident. The Battle of the Five Armies….well, technical difficulties struck, the projector went back to the squashed widescreen letterbox 2D presentation, we ended up watching it in 2D.

Now, I had ignored the Hobbit film for a long while, I got a screener copy, but I was somehow bored with it. This time, I was engrossed with it, it was 2001 (or 2002?) again and I was back in the Shire, fully engrossed with the brilliance that is Tolkein’s Middle Earth, but this time instead of it being in the comfort of my living room back in Lagos, I was finally experiencing it at a cinema in Aldershot.

In the space of those 505 minutes, I was invested in characters, who somehow survived the first 300 or so minutes, the climax battle both stunning and heartbreaking. There’s one death that physically hurt me, that only fanfiction will cure. I knew blood would be spilt – it had to be, but it still hurt. Then the added blow, that I’d seen the actor in another show that I enjoyed, where his character also died, so the actor could appear in the Hobbit trilogy. Yes, the brain is a funny thing when you’re trying to cope with fictional death – it provides more related incidents…

All in all, it was brilliant finally seeing ‘The Hobbit: There and Back Again’ in its full glory, the story that made a young Hobbit seek adventure, all because his home-loving cousin unwittingly got hired as a burglar.

Of course, Lee Pace’s eyebrows still have a life of their own, they will always get a mention. Oh and Gollum is still one terrifyingly entertaining creature. All hail Andy Serkis, King of mo-capping. One day, I shall get the hang of the weird resolution of the featured imag banner, until then enjoy the oddness.

What’s all the hubbub, bub?

While I sit here watching the awesomeness that is Terry Pratchett, on Terry Pratchett: Facing Extinction on BBC iplayer, every time he says Borneo, all I think about is Uncharted. I might not be the most prolific gamer, but I realised they are certain cities/countries that are now embedded in my brain thanks to video games, movies, books etc. So lets look at the tip of the iceberg.

Greece

gow ascension

As a kid/teen, I was into Greek mythology, so when God of War came out, it was a no-brainer.

Borneo

Borneo Vista by Naughty Dog

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves. The awesomeness that is this game, my definite favourite of the series, yes the story & visual of Uncharted 3 is brilliant, but the improvements and the opening of U2 is the business. C’mon, you wake up shot on a train dangling of a cliff and you have to get out. Hells Yes!

Cambodia

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Yup, the one with Angelina Jolie, before she became a low pass filter

Las Vegas

Very Bad Things (1998)

Every road trip/buddy/mismatched couple movie with the what-happens-in-Vegas-stays-in-Vegas plot…and CSI.

New York

Dystopian future (LA also falls under here), natural disasters (practically the whole USA), romantic comedies – especially When Harry Met Sally, superhero (Spider-Man…duh also in the comics) films. Max Payne, Beauty and the Beast (the 1st one, 1987 with Linda Hamilton) And of course, Bugs Bunny, the owner of the title quote. He said it once on Falling Hare in 1943, so yes he said it way before Wolverine did.

Canada

Wizard_cover_142_Wolverine_by_Eldelgado

Wolverine’s birth place, yes he’s Canadian from Alberta Canada and Sabretooth’s his half-brother, there goes your friendly Canadian theory. Hollywood’s substitute for Hollywood, just watch American Telly, especially when they dress Vancouver as New York. D’arvit, I’ve never been to Canada or New York, but even I know the difference. Lost Girl, Continuum and Blame Canada from South Park. Beauty and the Beast (2013, pretending to be NY)

LA

escape_from_la_poster_01

Practically the same as NY, detective movies & games, Hollywood. In fact, no more American cities…except the next one.

San Francisco

Charmed, Monsters vs. Aliens, The Nine Lives of Chloe King. Never been, but I know what the Golden Gate Bridge looks like.

There’re others, but I’m kinda tired – there was Trainspotting (Scotland), Beauty and the Beast (France), Farscape (Australia pretending to be the other universe), Doctor Who (UK and everywhere). Oh well…

Mmm…the best thing about Easter – Malteaster Bunnies

What’s All the Hubbub, Bub?

As I was minding my own business, waiting for my American programs from my trusty website (I’m not telling), then I stumbled on Wolfy. Someone at FOX is soo going to get fired. Anyhoo, it was ok, apart the bits that are different from the comics (Toothy is Wolfy’s [half] brother, Frosty kinda sucks & is Foxy’s sister. C’mon, diamond formation was her other mutation, after the whole genocide thingy, please keep up). It’s kinda cool seeing the wires & incomplete CGI. Oh well, may still watch it on its 29/4/09 release (Haha Americans, we’re getting it before you….). Oh well, 6.5/10 and FOX next time you decide to pull an ill-advised publicity stunt (my bad, leak) please have some sense to pretend by giving it a time stamp (it appeared only 4 or was it 5 times). In simpler terms, this is X3 all over again. I’m still not over the whole Jean Gray split personality thing called Pheonix (Huh?).

Plus I was heavily stoked, when I heard my native tongue (Igbo) in the movie. Whatever the hell the Merc with the Mouth was saying was not Igbo. And he mistranslated. Igbo Kwenu!

Congrats bro, for your standing oviation with your rapping, yes dude, our Mummy is a queen.

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

Just rewatched it, the unfortunate few, who know me know I love animation, the Disneys (but I always draw the line at the sequels), the Pixars, the Dreamworks[es] (yes people, even Shark Tale, Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas), the [sometimes questionable] Warner Bros[es] (yes people, Quest for Camelot, Thumbelina) and even the rather downright shoddy ones (Happily N’Ever After & co).

Anyhoo, I love FF:TSW, even though I can’t stand the FF series (the whole turn based moves thing frustrates me). Can’t remember, where & when I first watched it (TV? 2002?), but I’ve always been a big advocate of the movie. It’s been almost 8 years since it’s initial release, but it’s still awesome with it’s visuals. I can’t imagine watching this on Blu-Ray with a HD TV, c’mon, it looks this gorgeous on my laptop & LCD telly/monitor, with my old 2-disc DVD Edition. It’s a shame I never got to watch this in the cinema. It’s by no means perfect (8/10), but the voice acting is top notch, there’s the genuinely misundertood villain, Aki Ross & her 60,000 individually animated & rendered hair, and some serious animated eye candy (Ving Rhames’ Ryan Whittaker, yes Em, I’m still in that stage, even animated characters are not safe). I believe it deserved better, c’mon, lets be frank, it looks better than Beowulf, even though it’s older. Who knows, it might even get Blade Runner’s cult status (I really don’t need fanboy action, so just buzz off).

When photorealistic rendered 3D animated films become the norm, this film will be considered a very good start. Yes people, I actually enjoy the story, thanks to my uncanning ability to suspend my disbelief, whenever I’m watching a feature. C’mon, how would you explain how Bugs Bunny defies gravity (eg High Diving Hare), Daffy Duck’s highly entertaining beak (eg Rabbit Seasoning), action movies (eg The Die Hard franchise) & many more. Just "release your inhibitions" & enjoy it.

You’re allowed to ignore what I’ve just said, since I love Cutthroat Island, Waterworld & anything that has Patrick Warbutton’s voice on it.Oh & thanks to my mummy & daddy for always getting those Disney features, I’ll leave you with this random info – A friend of mine, Sunny, had never watched a Disney feature till I [& Najma] made her watch one her watch one in 2005, Hercules I think? She kept complaining about the singing.

Films I’ve watched in the past week

Seven Pounds, Ghost Town, Towelhead (aka Nothing Is Private), Vicky Christina Barcelona, Internet Dating, The Gene Generation & Cyborg Girl (aka Cryborg She aka Boku no kanojo wa saibôgu).
 
Seven Pounds – Was a bit slow, but not that bad. Although I don’t expect any awards for Smith, calm down people I’m not a critic + I really don’t know much about acting, but Will Smith just looked pissed off. I enjoyed the mushiness of the ending.
 

Ghost Town – Enjoyed it, Ricky Gervais, annoying ghosts, the light, & that bloody bus. It was like watching Melinda Gordon as a sarcastic, annoying & surprisingly likable English dentist.

Towelhead – B.R.I.L.L.A.N.T. Although it took hours to watch, I kept pausing cause of those oh so many awkward moments. Summer Bishil deserves a nomination, I mean a serious one, you know those big ones, she certainly held her own against Aaron Eckhart.

Vicky Christina Barcelona – I didn’t know Javier Bardem was hot (hmm, I sound 12), I’ve only seen him in No Country For Old Men, people be warned, he is smoldering. Penelope Cruz was brillant as his crazy ex-wife. I really liked the ending- full circle, made me rewatch Scoop (hmm…Hugh Jackman….yes Em, I’m still in the evry dude on telly is scrumptious phase). As for the movie itself, I enjoyed it, especially Cruz’s breakdown following the end of her three-lationship (Javier, herself & Scarlet Johanssen).
 
The last three deserve a special category – Films, I’ve watched in the last 12 hours – for the simple fact that the first two (Internet Dating & Gene Generation) confused me, ID was all over the place, there were genuinely funny scenes, c’mon it was Katt Williams, while Cyborg Girl didn’t, even though it had a time paradox in it.
 
Anyhoo, ID was written by Romeo Miller (pka Lil’ Romeo) & directed by Master P (aka Percy Miller, RM’s father). Master P’s character (Katt’s character’s cousin) didn’t make sense, initially it did, but it spiralled. Romeo, please go to writing school, please.
 
TGG, was confusing for like 5mins, till I googled it, then got carried away by the original comic, The DNA Chronicles. Plus the sex scene scared me, I kept screaming "Please don’t show Bai Ling’s nipples, please don’t, I beg of you, please don’t", then they showed IT (not them, IT). Oh well the movie wasn’t that bad (hey I love a Z-list action movie, but don’t you dare try to make me watch a Z-list rom-com), it could have been better.
 

Finally, Cyborg Girl was lovely, I’m a big sucker for Asian rom-coms, plus this was a sci-fi romantic comedy, basically it was The Terminator as a romantic comedy. From the lovely director, who gave us My Sassy Girl (the original, not the American remake). Haruka Ayase was super cute & very robotic, while Keisuke Koide was your typical Asian rom-com lead, you know cute/ordinary/very very likable.

About to watch The Good, The Bad, The Weird (aka Joheunnom nabbeunnom isanghannom), God bless the internet. If it’s as a good as everyone says, then I will watch it again in the cinemas, when it is released (Feb 6, 2009. UK).

Lifespan

For someone who blogs at an average of once a month, I seem very very chatty for the last three days. Anyhoo, I just found out the first Nigerian animated movie, Lifespan, had already been released. Yes people, it was released on March 19, 2008 (according to their website). I still can’t find a trailer of it online. Plus, was it ever released?? Cause I can’t find any reviews of any sort online, not even at nairaland or any of the other forums. Looks like I’ve gotta start a thread on nairaland. Oh well, there goes the blog.

Hmm…..I’m hungry. I need some organisation in my life, could I have yours? It’ll go great with my fries. I’ve really got to take off that randy cab driver’s number at some point…..