At 11:19 this morning, I didn’t expect the loveliest international cold call from a company representing Lifestyle Surverys, now cold calls are not news to me, my Orange mobile (I’ve had it for over 11 years) is the King of receiving cold calls. I even get automated cold calls as my voicemails – always truncated, forever telling me to press 3 for yada yada yada…

Anywho, onto the charming 5-10 minute cold call. I receive my call from +02070781911 and I go this will be interesting. I say hello and a lovely man responds likewise, he gives me a name, which I’ve forgotten – we will call him Bob. Lovely Bob recites a well memorised blurp and gives me the obligatory “our calls are recorded for training purposes” chant. My Spidey-Sacastic-Charmingly-Polite senses are tingling…I’m going to be my nice sweet-like-honey-with-a-hint-of-cyanide-self ’cause I hear the words “we value your privacy.”

I ask how they received my number, Lovely Bob goes on abount outsource companies and elsewhere, I nod then I remember I’m on the phone, “OK.” “So Madam, could you confirm your post code is….”. I laugh, this is so going to be good, “I think I’ve narrowed down where you got my information.” Then I decline and the merry-go-round begins, he says Madam and repeats the question, I repeat my answer, we do this for a while, he even complements my voice, I thank Lovely Bob. I point out about the irony of valuing my privacy a few times, we laugh, dear I say giggle a few times. I point out I’m surprised Lovely Bob doesn’t have my name, since the Madam thing is freaking me out a little, he retorts with Miss instead. I kinda like Lovely Bob…Then I realise, after my I’ve repeated myself a few times, that it’s time I end this ’cause I really want to watch Haven, so this happens-

I am really sorry, I know you have to reach your quota, but unfortunately it will not be with me. I will not give you my current postcode, because I value my privacy and you already have enough information about me.

Lovely Bob understands, I’ll credit this to the tone my voice takes when I talk slower and the Charm takes full effect. Ask my sister about the Charm, when it comes out, it’s a revelation. We say our thank yous and cheerily say our goodbyes like high school sweethearts. Who says I don’t have excitement in my life?

Remember kids don’t bullshit a bullshitter…


4 thoughts on “Charming

  1. I love Haven!

    Thankfully, I rarely get cold calls. I don’t answers calls from numbers I don’t recognize, but if I do, and a real live person is there, I ask to be taken off of their calling list. Then we end the call. You are super nice to have given Bob some of your precious time. I bet his job sucks and you were the most exciting thing that happened in his day 🙂

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