Ain’t I Funny?

Hello folks, since no one else will do it I will. This is the closest to vain & narcissistic, you’re ever going to get from me. Anywho, I like to think I’ve got a sense of humour. Sometimes it’s very had to find, since my default vocal setting is sarcastic & cynical, even when I’m complementing someone.

Since the batteries to my remote control have died, and I can’t find the AAA batteries, I’m stuck watching BBC1 with the annoying tennis highlights of Andy Murray & Roger Federer – it’s been going on for a long time, over 3 freaking hours! Oh well, you get a match in England, you get rain, everyone else gets highlights…

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Pet Peeves

This was going to be a proper post, but I can’t be frakked to type, so you’re left with my err…awesome… voice…Smile like you mean it folks, I command you to smile! This would have been up earlier, but the neighbours are really partying hard – that was on Saturday, I think the dude’s called Andrew, ’cause his Happy Birthday song kinda sucked, too many drunk folks – and my mic is fussy. Plus, I had some serious noise issues with my mic, finally sorted it out…

 

One day, I’ll spend more than 5 minutes constructing stuff, one day I shall write something freaking awesome…Till that day, you’re left with these…sorry… Oh and you should have seen how I freaked out with the blonde hair – I was all “eww…get it off me, my hand, oh my gawd, I going to die!”

Why I Shouldn’t Have Nice Things…

Been playing with my impulse buy & Audacity lately. Look, blame my cousin, Nene, for the weird ish I put up on YouTube today, sadly there’s more to come. I was minding my own business, when I recalled I hadn’t visited her blog in a while…

Well, it’s safe to say that I enjoyed the epicness, that was her blog post, so much – it brought out my inner wacko. So I decided to record some radio ads to the weird posters, since, Photoshop is not my friend…

As I was writing (ok, maybe trying to write) the spoof scripts, the weirdness happened, when I came across the Chukwudi poster. I kinda lost whatever sense of sanity I had left, and went total cray cray. Stopped writing, hopped on my mic and proceeded to make a total fool of myself…. :D

Spoof Outtakes

Thanks to my lil’ sis, you won’t have any more spoof ads in Nigerian Pidgin English. Apparently, my pidgin really sucks now, damn you English accent! I will probably do the rest in a straight English accent. Although, I think I can still pull off an accented Yoruba English accent. Looks like my accented Igbo English needs some work…Wow, I’ve been in this country too long! Up next, Indiana Jona, whenever I finally stop laughing at the poster…

Google is a CAMF…

google is a CAMF

Poor Mashonda, she took your man & your main Google profile picture…Google you bad-o **snaps fingers, rolls neck, shaves eyebrows & replaces them with tatted ones…where the heck did that come from?** :D.

Oh…that’s Alicia Keys, just in case it was not obvious…

 

If you’re wondering what CAMF is, replace the B in BAMF with cold… For parents google BAMF, then replace with cold…

I Predict a Repeat…

MKS – Mutya Keisha Siobhan aka Sugababes 1.0. Seriously, why?! Aren’t the original problems still there?? Yes, I know about good wine maturing with age, but we are human – you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Will Keisha still allegedly be a bullying bitch? Will Siobhan still allegedly be a victim? Will Mutya still allegedly be a….I dunno, I just wanted to type allegedly again…

Oh well, here’s to hoping for some good music, maybe we’ll get some good Sugababes 1.0 vs. Sugababes 4.0 music. I was actually going to write some thought provoking stuff, but bugger it all, I kinda forgot…oops.

…so I Predict a Riot, Catfights & Spotlights style…or maybe, just maybe Kenzi’s version of Succubi fighting – “Slow motion pillow fights? Crotch lasers?”. Geez, I really miss Lost Girl.

Frell Me Dead

Why the frak am I subjecting myself to this dren? What dren you say? Desperate Scousewives! I just spent the previous hour watching Playing it Straight! Sweet Minty Baby Jebus, why?! And the really sad thing – I have saved next week’s PiS on my EPG. Amazing how everyone’s* forehead in DS has no reaction whatsoever, no movement, no veins, no nada. Plus the war paint…wow! Who needs bulletproof vests/glasses/cars, just get some diamonds and peel off their skin and you’re golden. Pyschic chic?! What?! Stop blogging now!

 

*correction: One dude’s forehead actually works.

I can feel my IQ points lowering by the nanosecond. Oh, lookie there’s bits of brain dripping out my ears

As I lie here on my bed, watching… no listening to Poirot on ITV3, while I read Sahara Reporters. I lie here screaming at my laptop for my country. It’s currently playing [& losing] a game of "Where is Yar’adua?" & "Who hates America now?". Hopefully, we will not feel the dreaded hammer of "The War on Terror". How did he almost get away with it? Why are they (I’ll will not classify ourselves with those bastards, who line their now fat asses) so adamant on not doing work? You’re civil servants, servants to the public, not your pockets, not your mistresses, not you. Enough is Enough.

As for the whole Boko Haram steez, I don tire with the whole irony of it all. Just like the hooked one. If you hate it so much, get out, go live in the wild, be an illiterate. Don’t use God’s name for your own agenda. Shit, the devil’s feeling left out.

I’m too angry to make sense. I’ll just leave you to your few hours of the soon to be last year & yesterday, to a hopefully better tomorrow. Happy New Year.

Might kill off some bad creatures in Fable II:GotY :P (I had to gloat)… Or just stick with Love Actually.

Just a few nagging questions

It’s been a while since I…..calm down, I’m not singing the song…blogged, although I seem to get more hits when I don’t. Anyhoo, here are the nagging questions before I rush to Sainsbury’s for my free 3d glasses.

  1. Why are Google Maps & the city of Plymouth trying to kill me? All roads to Milehouse lead through Central Park. How come everything is on an incline? "You are either going up or coming down…." How many of you have heard me say those exact words?
  2. Why is Rihanna wearing an eye patch in the Wait Your Turn video? Is she Snake Plissken? A scratched cornea? [Sorry too much Friends, damn E4]
  3. Why are the same 20 videos always played on Viva & E4 Music? They wonder why those songs are on the bloody charts? You play them every freaking day, that’s why.
  4. Why is Cheryl Cole wearing that bloody leopard print trousers in her "Fight For This Love" video? I know you’re supposed to stand out from the crowd, but it’s kinda sad when the backup dancers look like they put more effort & you’re in your PJs. It’s kinda funny, some of the dance moves in this video, but that’s another story.
  5. Why do the names, Cheryl Cole & Sheryl Crow, kinda rhyme? I said kinda.
  6. Is Alesha ever gonna rap again? Hey, she singing this ballad right now on Viva. Not my fault.
  7. Who else finds the chorus of N-Dubz’ chorus of "I Need You" funny? "I came so close/You touched my body/You left me standing like a statue/……/I’ve been searching all over facebook". Now, it’s playing on Viva. Yes, I’m a very slow typer.
  8. Why are there so many remakes, sorry, I meant re-imaginings? Seriously, no original ideas left? Although, Morena Baccarin’s blinking & jerks are really awesome in V. Now, please eat the hamster…I always remembered it as a rat.
  9. Why is my neck killing me? Damn you neck!
  10. Will Taio Cruz ever speak Pidgin? Where did this come from? Adetayo Ayowale Onile-Ere, gini bu Taio? How come all mention of his full birthname has disappeared from Wikipedia?

Oh well, that’s it for my blogging this year.

Hit the road Cleveland and don’t you come back no more

The Limp Noodle of the week award goes to………The Cleveland Show Pilot, WKOFIT? Usually, I am never really bothered about stereotypes, but with age comes wisdom, and my wisdom’s asking for the 20 or so odd minutes it wasted watching the citizens of Stoolbend. Most of the jokes were drier than dry ice, the stereotypes were off the wall, and the characters were just parodies of Seth McFarlene’s other characters. I predict “Plagiarismo di plagiarismo di plagiarismo” is coming soon to a Simpsons episode near you.What the heck happened to Cleveland, Jr.? I understand obesity can make him slower than usual, but I never expected his voice to follow suit. Geez, I know for a fact that my weight gain from all those Papa John pizzas never slowed down my speech, infact it’s faster than usual now. Oh & someone better retire Cleveland’s laugh immediately.

For Sanaa’s sake, it better improve, Seth McFarlene, step away from your comfort zone and evolve already. Stupid caveman.

Dreaded theory test tomorrow, oh boy. Will try to bribe them with food.

Americans & the Apostrophe

I just had to ask, what’s their fascination with it? They are always using it incorrectly, for crying out loud, the plural of ball is balls, not ball’s or balls’ or balls’s! I think it’s time those* Americans read this.

*Because, it’s obviously not all of them. Oh & for the ignorants among us, it’s = it is, what’s = what is.

I’m glad that’s over.